How to Not Network Like a Pro
It’s been a long time since I wrote a blog entry here. That’s because previously I was blogging once a week and, frankly, I’m not that insightful and my life isn’t that interesting. However, I feel that once a month - or there about - is a far more doable option, and so I’ve decided to re-start my blog and so, without further ado, let’s talk networking!
As a self-employed business person whose model is reliant on building and maintaining great personal relationships, it’s vital for me to be able to network effectively. The only issue is that I’m awful at it. A lot of magician’s are. What do you expect from a bunch of people who spend hours on end sitting on their own playing with a deck of cards. In fact it’s probably fair to say that many magician’s use magic as a crutch, some kind of bridge they can cross to actually connect with another human. And so networking? Exchanging ideas with other people that aren't magic move related? Perish the thought.
I’m rotten at building and maintaining contacts. Going to events and saying the right things or, more importantly, knowing the right things to listen to and implement. Beneath this cool, calm exterior is a little boy who just wants to ignore everyone, stand by the deserts at the buffet table, and eat all of the profiteroles. In a previous life I was in communications. I can’t tell you how many networking events I had to go to. To this day I’m still not sure what I was supposed to be doing at them.
This isn’t a blog telling you my 5 top tips for networking, or revealing the road to Damascus moment I had that has now made me a successful networker. I’m still awful at it. I’m literally getting frazzled just picturing the last event I was at and I was told I should network. My only consolation is that, thanks to smartphones, these days I’ve got a choice of either looking aloof as I scroll through twitter on my own in a room full of people rather than just sad as I sit on my own in a room full of people.
This extends to getting gigs, something else I will not be writing about how to successfully do any time soon. I get almost every single one of my gigs off the back of having performed to someone. They enjoy me, they enjoy my magic, and so I’ll get booked to perform for them some other time. But selling myself, actually going out and proactively trying to get hired to do magic? It’s terrifying! I’ve got shivers just thinking about it right now.
I think this all comes from social awkwardness. I find it really hard to talk to people and, like most of us, I’d rather ignore or avoid things that are difficult. This isn’t the same as something difficult like climbing a mountain or swimming a channel; these are tasks with obvious and well defined goals. Plus they are things that everyone knows are difficult and so, when you successfully accomplish them, you earn no small amount of kudos. People shouldn’t find the entry ‘networking lunch’ on an event time table to be just as daunting. Seriously, I have never once attended a conference when one of the workshops was entitled ‘How to Actually Network During the Coffee and Doughnuts Break at 3:15’. If that had ever been an option, you better believe I’d have been at that workshop, and I don’t think I’d be alone.
Seriously, there’s going to be no sudden turn around at the end. No dénouement. I wish I could tell you how I’ve cracked this nut or the changes I’ll be implementing in 2020 to get better at it. The simple truth is that it’s a huge issue holding me back. But perhaps that is enough? Perhaps being honest and writing the words: I DON’T KNOW HOW TO NETWORK is fine for this blog? Maybe one day I’ll crack it. Maybe one day I’ll be like those people who come back from a networking event with business cards they can actually attach match to the faces in their mind, brimming with new opportunities and ideas? But until then I think I need to own the fact that I don’t know how to network. Too many people try to pass themselves off as experts in areas they know nothing about. You only have to read an opinion piece in a daily paper to know this activity isn’t restricted to entrepreneurs online, either. Now, I’m able to bluff my way through almost anything, but today I’ve decided to try honesty instead, and so I’ll say it again and even add a second part: I don’t know how to network and I’m unlikely to do anything about it in the foreseeable future.
Wow. That was liberating. Still, if you see me at a networking event, party, what ever, and I appear to be studiously going over some information on my phone, rest assured that I’m just avoiding eye contact with anyone else and please, come and talk to me. You can even feel free to ask to see a trick if you like.