Please, I Need a Hug and a Duvet.

I’m writing this blog entry on a train, heading into London for a gig. I don’t want to be on a train heading into London for a gig, indeed, I don’t want to be on a train at all. That’s because I’m feeling unwell. I was up a lot of the night with a bad stomach, had pretty nasty pains this morning, and whilst I’m feeling better than I was, I’m very much not looking forward to tonight.

There’s a saying; the show must go on! It’s the idea that, no matter what calamity has befallen, the patrons must be entertained. Originally it came from the circus’ in the 19th century. Considering the state of health and safety back then, coupled with animals caged in far too small confines, I can only imagine some of the horrors that the phrase must have had to paper over. Since then, it has become a staple of performers, and it’s certainly one I’ve started seeing in a new light. TO my mind, there should be a second part of that phrase. ‘The show must go on or you’re going to die of starvation or exposure to the elements.’

Every self-employed person has to deal with the fact that sick pay is not a thing. However, as a performer I am acutely aware that missing a gig just once may mean I will no longer be used by a client in the future. Tonight's gig has come from another magician, one who I know but have never worked with. That’s great. I hope he enjoys working with me and thinks of asking me again in the future. This has happened to me in the past and has led to some wonderful working relationships as well as friendships. However, the other side of that coin can also fall. I didn’t feel like I could say ‘no’ to today's offer in case it negatively impacts my future. Further, and this is something else any self-employed person has to deal with, at the moment things are very quiet for me. I can’t afford to turn down gigs. I’m lucky that I have gotten better since this morning, otherwise I wouldn’t really be able to do this, and that would leave me sat at home doubly miserable, because of my illness and from missing out.

I do worry that I’m not saving enough, wondering if there will even be a state pension when I reach that age. SHouldn’t I have a real job that matches my pension payments? It’s important to ignore that doubt though, and to focus on doing a good job each time you go out. The more you work the more you get work (another reason to not miss a gig when offered), and I’m doing okay all things considered. I’ve been drinking plenty of fluids and I’m feeling pretty good, all things considered. I know that by the time I get to the venue adrenaline will have kicked in and I’ll have a great time, as well the people I’m performing for.

After all, the show must go on...